I'm being hunted. I'm overwhelmed with this response. Everything looks so surreal yet I have been swimming in an ocean of joy. Some moments in life are just so happy, even if someone came up to me and pointed a pistol right at my head then, point blank, I would rather respond in a weird manner, give them a chocolate for reward and accept his act. I get crazy when things go well. It is not really that happy times occur rarely in my life. It is just that some of them just give me a boost lifting me to that peak where every other problem in life seems like a village hut as seen from there, some miles away, a dark dot lost in the texture of greenery. These are the same reasons and causes of inspiration, I guess they acted a little more on me rather than having an ephemeral effect. I've never seen a Tsunami, but let me just guess this is quite the same result with intensity of a different kind, washed away with waves of bliss. This whole thing goes around in circles, if I do something well, people appreciate it and then I wish to emulate it resulting in the same effect that would indirectly be the cause of the recursive cause-effect cycle. It's very happy to know the game is really worth the candle. On a lot of ocasssions, noons and nights, I've spent hours in pensive mood and one of the most frequent thoughts that hits me is whether spending time on writing my poems is worth it or not. All of a sudden (no boasting involved), when there is a flood of praises, actually it's a rain of praises but these are probably the only times when I start looking at the negative side of things and get very persnickety about it to see where the appreciation is tending to - adulation, foolery or real, flattery (no one would really find a need to do that, but let me just add an option) genuine, pure praise. I am not aware of whether or not this reaction to an appreciative comment is right, but this is surely the way I've noted myself to behave like. I express my special acknowledgements to each and every person, who with this incense of positive and encouraging thoughts have made me feel truly at comfort with the way I'm leading my life regarding my habits and interests. Let me also try and return a favor, the most recent one, done by a person who along with a response alike, also highlighted me on her post. You can find her at Isha's place. Now she depicts a verisimilar existence because I know her now as an online friend of Amod. I was concerned about another anonymous person whose replies to me intially gave me a clear of idea of sycophancy, but now that style has been pacified by some adamant conversations. When I managed to get hold of the identity of this person, I let out a deep sigh of relief because I was sensing flattery in lethal doses but I knew that was all to irk for fun. Now the same person might be finding the conversations vapid because there is no longer the same degree of freedom.
I've been spending time majorly on Age of Empires. I love dealing with games at newie level. I find no fun in pursuing a professional attitude towards gaming. As far as games are concerned I still stick to the notion that games are played for fun. Of course, that does not mean people who are exploring the technical corners of the game lose the essence of game as an instrument of fun. They are totally justified in doing so, only if they think playing games is fun only when one is at the top. For instance, I know this game Xonix in which my scores have number of digits double same in usual scores. But that is no fun compared to Age of Empires where my scores usually are closest to the preview map when the team score is relatively low or closest to the opponents when the team score is relatively high. There was a day when I had to play against Sunil. So I picked Celts. Ever since then I've had this strange addiction for this civilization. I love Mongols and Celts. Though onagers are regarded by ace gamers as the most self-destructive and suicidal weapons, they still manage to make my favorite unit. Since Mongols and Celts have better siege points, I prefer these over the others. Alright, this might have been too esoteric for those who have no special frequecy for the keys W-A-S-D . As they say quest is always a sweeter experience that the result of it. The fervor level takes a huge leap when success point is reached but I think it gives relatively less pleasure compared to the enthusiasm that is shown in the final stages of completion when it is evident that the exit date of the task is around the corner. Two days after the whole hullabaloo is mellowed I realise I'm investing less energy in the day which gives me a weird feeling that I have a weird feeling.
The entire DA-IICT community has these mass projections in any new activity. For instance, when orkut met our campus all daily logs must have been filled with iterations of orkut, orkut and orkut. Prior to that (though in lesser numbers) it was Counter-strike that bred many clans and warriors on the network, just like the old days when the whole populace ran to a new fair to enjoy their day. Whatever the others make of it, I believe these are a hindrance to the progress of social life in college. The whole college can possibly be divided into two sections only on the basis of games. I'm not saying the whole behavior is contemptible but where have the years gone without knowing the name of the classmate who lives next door. Yes, I've been reported about this instance of a junior who apparently has completed two years of his education here, yet is not aware of the identities of his neighbors. There are only clusters of thick friends but the radius of this circle does not expand. Even at the end of three years, to be precise 24 months of academic life, I will not be surprised to find people who keep wondering whether the fellow who just passed by belongs to the same batch or not. Such pitiable is the condition of quite a few who find neither the time nor the interest to mingle with others. There is a lot of polarization, indifference and this incurious attitude should find its end. At least I'm happy that a lot of events that are organized which bring students close to each other. The whole 240 need not necessarily be totally warm and affable, but there is no fault in being acquainted with each other. All these things are trivial when compared to the troubled waters I am trying to get out of. I had a large discussion yesterday about a few idiotic policies of the insitute and how we are being experimented upon to amend the rule book. It's a new institute and I guess these sort of things are bound to happen. I'm optimistic and I always console myself saying that things could have been worse.I'm done with this semester. A month long vacation starts from the end of April. I might go home for 10 days. I hope everythings goes just fine.
Naresh said...
[Amod] said...
wow rahul, first of all i did not knew that u have a normal blog also(apart frm poetry)! and i love the long meaningful post u wrote...
btw i prefer koreans when i play AOE coz they have higher ranging castles and towers and upgrades r free i love that...
